you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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