I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My vagina is officially offended.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
