Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
