She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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