I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
