I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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