We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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