I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
