I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
A+ Viking dick
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
