You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
