She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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