Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
