Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
