Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My vagina just recognized that song.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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