You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
