Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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