I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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