i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
