It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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