What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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