I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
