so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
