I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
