toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
