Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
