Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
