the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
