if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
