wrigley field is MILF paradise
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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