We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
