goodnight i made you a song goodbye
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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