Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
