I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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