and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
