TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
