Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
