...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
