The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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