i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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