apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
