the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
