Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
