what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I fill condoms, not promises.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Randomize
