I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
