I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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