Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
