I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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