and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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