If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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