I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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