Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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