I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
